


Quoth the Raven, "This is Confusing and I Need a Nap"

by UnhelpfulPanda



Series: Dave Strider and Friends - Tales of a Trans Man [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Misgendering, Misunderstandings, Trans Character, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Roxy Lalonde, alpha dave is not dirk's bro but he IS dave's dad and also he's dead so heads up for that one, bro had JUST turned 18 when their mom left them so he just decided to raise them himself, by the way dave doesn't know he's trans yet in this fic!, deadnaming, he's still gendered female and called his birth name in this fic just to let y'all know, i'm putting a naming guide in the beginning notes so you know who is who and stuff, im talking he JUST started thinking about being not a cis girl sooooo yeah, implied adultery, kinda not really? hard to explain, or however you word that? their parents ollied out when they were really young, parental abandonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 03:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12225054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnhelpfulPanda/pseuds/UnhelpfulPanda
Summary: "Your name is Raven Strider. One day, that will change, though you don't know it yet. For now, however, you are Raven..."Raven Strider finds out how truly complicated and confusing her family tree is, while also beginning to form ideas about her gender identity and how it juuuust might not match up to what the doctor said it was.(The first of an undetermined amount of prequels to a fic series in which Dave navigates through his love life as a trans man with dumb friends trying to help him and sometimes making things worse)





	1. Fucked Up Looking Family Tree

**Author's Note:**

> I'm actually really excited about this series, so I hope you guys like this first prequel! I'm thinking there will be a few prequels prior to the "real" start of the series. And even if the series centers on Dave, there will be fics that focus on other characters, too!
> 
> Note: Raven never is actually quoted saying the quote in the title, but she might as well lol I'm just awful at titles
> 
> NAMING GUIDE:  
> ~ **Raven Strider** \- _Dave Strider_ 's (future) deadname; he hasn't realized he's trans or picked the name Dave yet  
> ~ **Duke Strider** \- _Bro Strider_ 's legal name  
> ~ **Roxanna Lalonde** \- _Mom Lalonde_ , Rose and Roxy's mother, the Striders' aunt, and technically Raven's stepmom  
> ~ **Devon Lalonde** \- _Roxy Lalonde_ 's deadname; will rarely be used after this fic  
> ~ **Dave "D" Strider** \- Raven's biological father, Dirk/Bro's uncle, Rose/Roxy's stepdad, famous director  
>  ~ (I still haven't decided if I will use their names in later fics, but the Striders' mom is named Rebecca, Dirk/Bro's dad is named Dallas, and Rose/Roxy's dad is named Victor)

            Your name is Raven Strider. One day, that will change, though you don't know it yet. For now, however, you are Raven, the only girl in your household. Your father ran off when your mother announced she was pregnant with you. Your mother had hoped a third child would rekindle their marriage, but it was a little hard to do so when that third child might not even be _yours_. He didn't stay around to find out one way or another, and your mother never told you. She, too, bailed on your family when you were three; your eldest brother, Duke (but you just called him Bro), stepped up to take care of you and your middle brother, Dirk.

            You were 12 years old, hanging out with Dirk on the couch playing video games. It was hot as hell in your apartment; Dirk was only wearing a pair of boxers, and you envied his flat chest and his ability to be shirtless without fears of obscenity. Unlike him, you were wearing the loosest tank top you owned and a pair of panties; not exactly fit for parading out in public, but like you said, it was hot as hell and pants were practically blasphemous.

            As you were playing (aka getting your ass handed to you; it wasn't fair that Dirk memorized the combos!), Bro flashstepped in front of the TV. You heard the game announce, "Player One Wins!" and groaned angrily, almost tempted to throw down your controller. Bro would beat your ass if you broke _another_ controller, though, so you kept your cool and tossed it at Dirk when he chuckled, reveling in his victory. He caught the controller before it hit him, which only served to annoy you further.

            "What?" you irritably inquired of your guardian, crossing your arms and slumping down into the couch cushions.

            "Both of you get your asses dressed quickly; Aunt Roxanna and her two kids are coming," he ordered. You and Dirk exchanged looks. "They texted me an hour ago that they would be here in about an hour, so fuckin' _now_ would be good," Bro urged, and Dirk flashstepped off to his room. You hadn't yet mastered that skill, so you sprinted off after him, going into your room and rummaging around for a pair of shorts. And, ugh, you guess you'd need to put on a bra, too...

            "How are we related to these people again?" Dirk's muffled voice called.

            "Remember that one time Mom told us that she wasn't sure if Raven was Dad's or another guy's kid? A few years back, the guy emailed me asking if I would give him some of Raven's DNA so he could do a paternity test. Turns out, Raven _was_ his kid. He said he couldn't meet you, so whatever, but the guy was loaded and paid a _lot_ of cash to take care of you and I didn't want to confuse you with any of it, so I didn't tell you," Bro explained.

            You froze in the middle of brushing your hair. Your dad _wasn't_ the guy who walked out on the family? Your dad was someone else?? "So...who is this Roxanna chick then?" you finally managed to speak up.

            "Roxanna is our mom's sister, and she was married to your dad, Raven. She had a son and a daughter from a previous marriage, so she's our aunt and they are our cousins, but I guess they are also technically your step-mom and step-siblings?" Bro waited a beat, then knocked lightly on your door.

            "I'm dressed," you mumbled absently while continuing to brush your hair. Bro came and sat on the edge of your bed. His face was blank, like always, but you knew he was concerned about you. "It's stupid and confusing, so I don't give a shit. They're your cousins, so they're my cousins too. End of story. It's not like that deadbeat even wanted to know me, anyways," you huffed.

            "He asked about you all the time, always wanting pictures and shit. He even apparently had one of the pictures in his wallet, which is how Roxanna found out about you and sent me a letter, telling me she wanted to visit," Bro explained, shrugging.

            "Then why isn't _he_ visiting?" you demanded, and Bro shifted awkwardly, a subtle grimace appearing on his face.

            "Raven, uh. He actually just, kinda, died. Two weeks ago," Bro sighed. "Sorry, kiddo... I hoped you would get to meet him one day."

            You didn't really know what to say, honestly. You hadn't known him, so you shouldn't have felt sad, but somehow... you still did. You shrugged it off.

            "So, Aunt Roxanna, what are her kids' names and ages? Just so I know what I'm in for," you hastily changed the subject.

            "Her son is named Devon, he just turned 15, and her daughter is Rose, she's... 11? Almost 12, though," Bro explained.

            "Same ages as us," Dirk commented.

            "She's totally copying us," you added. "Older son with a name that starts with a D? Younger daughter with a name that starts with an R?" Dirk smirked at you.

            "This is a conspiracy, I'm sure of it," he agreed. Before you could continue talking about the obvious conspiracy of your secret dead dad's widow trying to mirror your life, there was a cheerful knock on the door.

            Shave and a haircut, followed immediately by a woman's singsong voice calling, "Duke Strider? It's me, Aunt Roxanna!" Bro flashstepped to the door, letting them in. A blonde woman came bustling into the apartment, smiling brightly at the three of you. From what you remember of your mother (and the few pictures you've seen of her), it's not hard to imagine this woman is your mother's sister. Except Roxanna chose to paint her lips black, whereas your mother opted for a deep red. And unlike your mother, who had golden eyes like your brothers, this woman's eyes were a vibrant pink.

            "Aunt Roxanna, thanks for visiting. I kinda forgot you were coming, to be honest, so I was _just_ updating the kiddos about everything," Bro explained. Roxanna nodded eagerly, eyes flickering from Bro to Dirk.

            "Oooh, I just can't believe how much the two of you look like your father! Almost _lookalikes_ , honestly! Though I definitely see a bit more of him in Dirk; your father had brown eyes, and I had hoped it would mix with my sister's color to give one of you a more vibrant orange hue!" she laughed.

            As Roxanna talked, two girls popped into the house after her, closing the front door behind them and standing quietly nearby. They both looked strikingly similar to their mother; both had their lips painted black and winged their eyeliner like her, too. The older one had pink eyes and dyed pink hair that flipped up at the ends, and the younger had a more lavender eye color but was blonde like her mother. There wasn't any sign of Roxanna's son, though.

            "What about me? Do _I_ look like my dad?" you spoke up, not realizing how bitter you felt about this ordeal until your aunt began to speak of fathers. "I wouldn't know if I did; I don't even know the guy's name, let alone what he looks like," you added.

            Roxanna turned her eyes on you and they widened instantly. "Oh, you must be Raven..." she whispered, almost in awe, and her eyes grew watery. "You are the spitting image of him, honestly. Your hair is a bit lighter than his, but other than that..." She laughed and wiped her eyes. "Sorry, sweetheart, it's just your eyes. You are the only other person I've met with such pretty red eyes," she admitted.

            Bro noticed your discomfort and moved to quickly change the subject. "Aunt Roxanna, where's Devon?" he inquired. Roxanna whipped her head around at the question, looking shocked.

            "What?" she asked, absolutely flabbergasted. Now everyone was confused.

            "You said you had a son and a daughter, but I don't see any boy with you," Bro explained, looking from her to the two girls. Both girls, like their mother, were staring at Bro looking extremely upset. "Am I missing something, or...? I just asked where Devon was. You said you had a son, didn't you?" Bro questioned further.

            The older girl, the one with pink hair, let out a choked sob and ran from the house, slamming the door behind her. The younger girl yelled after her, "Roxy! Roxy, wait!" then looked to Roxanna helplessly.

            Roxanna gave your eldest brother a stern look, crossing her arms. "I cannot _believe_ you would say such things! Roxy was so anxious to come to Texas in general, let alone meet relatives who _live here_ , so I hoped my second letter would help _avoid_ this type of thing! Oh, damn it, I should have-!" Bro interrupted her angry ranting.

            "Wait, _second_ letter?" he asked. He looked to you and Dirk to see if you had any recollection of a second letter, remembered neither of you even knew about the first until today, then looked again to your aunt. "I didn't get a second letter, Roxanna. What the hell is going on? Who is Roxy?" Bro demanded, sounding stressed. He probably was; it was rare, but even a stoic guy like him would get pretty flustered if a young girl ran out of his house crying and then he got scolded by a long lost relative for no apparent reason.

            Roxanna was taken aback by this. "You didn't get my letter? The letter telling you Devon came out as transgender? That she's a girl and her chosen name is Roxy and she uses she/her pronouns?" Roxanna interrogated. Bro groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose to ward off a headache.

            "Fuck, _no_ , I didn't get that letter. Damn it, I didn't know, I wouldn't have- I'm not- god, Roxanna, _I'm fucking **gay**_ , I'm not a _bigoted Southern hick_!" he snapped, more at the situation than at her.

            Transgender? You had heard the term once or twice, where a person was born with a penis but they knew they were a girl anyways. You were really interested in the idea, actually; school taught you boys had dicks and girls had pussies, but from what you read, that sometimes wasn't true. There were girls who doctors said were boys, and vice versa, and even neither. Or both! Even though you knew of the term, you just... well, it's not as if you didn't _believe_ it, but you thought it was rare. You never thought you would actually meet a transgender person...

            "Raven!" you were startled out of your thoughts by Bro calling your name. "Raven, I need you to find Roxy, okay?" Bro ordered you. You nodded, snatching up your shades and hurriedly slipping on your shoes before racing out the door.


	2. Dead Dad Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who knew that your biological father would be so supportive of you only after he was already fucking dead?"
> 
> Raven and Roxy have a nice chat in a park about Raven's biological dad and Roxy being trans. Roxy tells her story of how she knew she was a girl, and Raven uncomfortably discovers she understands Roxy's story a little too easily.....
> 
> Then, Raven tries to take a nice nap after all the stress of the day and instead, has the most fucked up dream reunion in all of paradox space, probably.

            Roxy wasn't hard to find; her hair was pink, so you could see her sitting on the park bench, crying, from across the street. You jogged across and ran up to her, ignoring the looks from the other people in the park. "Roxy," you began, taking a seat beside her.

            "Oh, it's _Roxy_ now? Not _Devon_? What do you want?" Roxy hissed at you, sniffling and refusing to look at you.

            "Roxy, we didn't get your mom's second letter. We didn't _know_ you were a girl. Bro's gay, and I'm pretty sure Dirk is too, so-" you began to explain.

            "Gender and sexuality have nothing to do with each other, and gay people are transphobic all the fucking time, Raven," Roxy corrected you, before sitting up and finally facing you. "Wait, you didn't get the letter?" she added.

            "That's what I'm saying! We wouldn't have used your real name-"

            " _Deadname_. My _real name_ is Roxy."

            "-your deadname, if we had known you were trans. Like, that would be a shitty thing to do, you know?" you smiled at her in what you hope was a reassuring way. "Also, sorry about the whole 'real name' thing; I did a little bit of googling a few years back, but not much of it _stuck_ , you know? I'm not as ignorant as most, but I'm still pretty fuckin' ignorant to this whole thing," you explained apologetically.

            Roxy smiled at you, then laughed a little while she wiped her eyes and nose with the back of her hand. "It's pretty crazy how much you remind me of D, you know. You look like him a lot, sure, but you kinda _sound_ like him, too," she giggled.

            "D?" you repeated, frowning.

            "Your dad, D. Well, his name was actually Dave, but he went by D more often, especially at home," Roxy explained. "I mean, I'm sure you saw him on TV; famous director Dave Strider?" she prompted.

            Holy FUCK. _Dave Strider_ was your dad?? You always thought his last name was a coincidence! "B-but I thought Roxanna and my mom were sisters! How does Dave- my dad- D- how does he have my last name??" you protested.

            "Well, yeah, they are sisters. But the reason D didn't come around was because he was your brothers' uncle. Their dad and your dad were brothers, and D thought it was overstepping his boundaries to try to parent you after breaking up your family," Roxy answered.

            God, this was all too much. Your biological dad was a famous director, _your_ _favorite_ _director_ of all things, and _wanted_ to be in your life but thought it wasn't appropriate. You need to put this shit away for later.

            "Come on, we gotta get back," you sighed, helping her off the bench. Roxy nodded and walked back with you. As you walked, a thought struck you. "Can I ask you a question about the trans thing?" you suddenly inquired.

            "If it's a question about my genitals, I will not hesitate to punch you in the throat," Roxy warned.

            "Jesus fuck, no, nothing like that. I just wanted to ask you how you knew," you mumbled. Roxy pondered the question thoughtfully.

            "I guess it was just, everyone would call me a boy and tell me what boys were _supposed_ to wear and _supposed_ to play with, and I was always so upset by it. Any time I was called a 'handsome boy', I felt like I wanted to puke. It wasn't until I was roleplaying online as a girl character that I realized how much I liked when I was called a girl. I told my roleplay partner my name was Roxy and I was a girl, and that's what started it. One day, she sent me this selfie of herself wearing red lipstick, and asked if I would send one back. I stole mom's makeup and applied it as best I could, and when I sent it to her, she called me a 'gorgeous girl', and it was then that I just... knew. For sure. I am a girl," Roxy glanced at you. "I'm sure that doesn't make much sense to you, though."

            You were too busy thinking to respond to her right away. Mostly because it made _perfect sense_. You _hated_ it when people called you a girl. You _hated_ when Bro called you his 'baby sister'. The times Dirk called you 'bro' or 'dude' were the greatest moments ever. You thought it was just because he was giving you (positive) attention, but maybe...

            "Hypothetical question," you began, "it can go the other way, right?"

            "What?" Roxy raised an eyebrow at you.

            "Like, someone can be told by doctors they are a girl, and then realize they are actually a boy, right?" You clarified. Roxy nodded.

            "Yeah, of course there can be trans boys. Why?" she inquired. You shrugged, brushing off the question, especially since you arrived back home. Roxy gave you an uncomfortably knowing smile. "Alright, but if you want to talk about it another time, I'm always here for you," she offered, then winked at you and let herself inside the house.

            Bro and Dirk both apologized to Roxy immediately upon your return, which just made her laugh and assure them she forgave them. Dirk grinned up at you. "I'm glad we sent Raven after you, so you could have a good girl talk," he mentioned.

            Your stomach twisted in knots, like it always had when your brothers made a comment like that, only this time... you had a possible reason why. Roxy glanced at you out of the corner of her eye.

            "Or maybe Raven is just better than you at cheering people up, regardless of whether she's a girl or a boy," she replied simply. Dirk laughed and conceded that maybe she was right. You were still too confused, and with all the new information you had swirling around in your head and distracting you, you decided to excuse yourself for a nap.

 

            That night, you dreamed of yourself, as a boy (or, at least, presenting masculine), meeting your favorite director _and dad_ and getting to have lunch with him. His signature aviators were sitting on top of his head so you could see his red eyes; eyes you shared with him, even if you never knew until now.

            "I'm really proud of you, lil man," he told you with a gentle smile.

            "I wish I could have known you," you admitted, frowning. He reached across the table and ruffled your hair, and you found it in yourself to be annoyed with the gesture. "Dude."

            Dave laughed. "Too late to 'dude' me now, lil man. I'm dead, remember?" he reminded you, and for a split second, his red eyes flashed a blank white; when you blinked, they were back to normal.

            "How did you die?" you asked, and then he was standing up and pulling out his wallet, dropping down enough money for the bill and a large tip. "Wait, where are you going? Dad?" you questioned hurriedly, going to stand as well, and then he embraced you, hugging you tight and kissing the top of your head.

            "I gotta get going, kiddo. Don't ask so many questions, okay?" he whispered into your hair.

            "Dad..." you whimpered, unable to help the tears that filled your eyes. He pulled away and wiped your watery eyes, smiling sadly.

            "I love you, and don't you ever forget that. I always have, and I always will. Okay?" he kissed your forehead, checked his watch, and swore quietly before hurrying off. You shouted after him, but all he did was raise his hand in farewell to you.

 

            You shot up in bed, covering your mouth to muffle the loud sob. You hoped no one could hear you as you tried to stop crying, but the tears just wouldn't stop.

            Who knew that your biological father would be so supportive of you only after he was already fucking dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL I REALLY LOVE THAT ENDING BUT I'M SORRY IF IT WAS WAY TOO EMOTIONAL AND STUFF
> 
> Alpha Dave really REALLY loved his kid, okay? Like, a lot.


End file.
